Blind

Do you ever have those moments where Scripture just jumps out at you or it's so clear, the light bulb flashes in your mind. Most likely it's been a piece of Scripture you have read over and over again and one day it's like, "Hallelujah!" I experienced one of those moments last night.

Some of you out there know I've been struggling through Scripture and where I'm meant to be in my walk with Christ. It's really hard to make decisions sometimes, especially when you the people who love you most have an opinion. Trust me, I value the opinion of those who surround me, but sometimes it can be paralyzing. I guess not matter what you do, there's going to be disagreement. You could have to wise and loving Christians in your life and even their opinions could be different from one another. So, what do you do?

I know for a long time the Lord has been challenging me to draw closer to Him through prayer and reading Scripture. I have to admit I get rather frustrated at times because I don't seem to understand it the way some people. I get discouraged when people seem to have all the answers and I'm just not seeing. It's not that I'm not open, in fact, sometimes I think I'm too open to the point I don't allow myself to stand. It's hard to look at somebody and it seems like they have it!

Last night I was reading John, Chapter 9. At first glance it was an interesting story about Jesus healing a blind man and using it to teach a lesson to the Pharisees. But, I wanted to see beyond that. I have to admit, after really thinking about it and trying to interpret and pray about it, I did grab a commentary. The book of John is some rather hard teaching and quite theological, so you can imagine why. Anyways, it confirmed my thoughts almost perfectly. Let me quote the last few verses of the chapter. "Jesus said, 'For judgement! I have come into this world, so that the blind will see and those who see will become blind.' Some Pharisees who were with him heard him say this and asked, 'What? Are we blind too?' Jesus said, 'If you were blind, you would not be guilty of sin; but now that you claim you can see, your guilt remains.'

The man who is concious of his own blindness and seeks to learn and know more will be opened up to more truth. The "know-it-all" doesn't realize he can't see. It's when we realize our own weakness that we become strong. We can have knowledge, but if we fail to recognize the good like the Pharisees did, we will be condemned, just as they were. The Pharisees missed the good by refusing to recognize Jesus. Their "know-it-all" laws were more important than Christ himself.

I used to think it was bad that I wasn't as mature as some, but I'm realizing it's okay. The Lord spoke to me in prayer last night and told me so much about this journey about where I should be. To give you some background, I'm the type of person who is anxious and likes to act fast. Every decision needs to made. I want to keep moving, keep going. It's always moving on to the next thing. The Lord told me to STOP! I need to stop looking all around me and keep my focus on what's above. I have a family and household to tend to, as I mentioned in my last blog post. I realized in that moment how much I NEED Jesus. I'm struggling because I'm trying to do it myself and I just can't. I had to admit to weakness. I had to admit, "Lord, I don't know it all." This led me to my favorite Scripture when everyone turned away from Him after his hard teaching in John 6. Jesus asked Peter if he was going to leave too, Peter said, "Where else can I go? You have the words of eternal life." Just when I was about to give up, I remembered that. I have no where else to go.

It's so easy to get our attention focused elsewhere and I have to admit, we as Christians really can make it hard on each other. We get so set on controlling the lives of others and don't allow the Holy Spirit to do his work. He works in each of us at His own pace. Don't get me wrong, I believe we do need the wisdom of others, but even when we receive that wisdom, we still keep praying and searching Scripture.

It's like what I said earlier, God told me to STOP! God told me to remain, at least for now, and just stop moving. God needs to complete a work in me and He can't do it if I keep moving. It was such an encouragment to hear that God could lighten my load if I just stay focused on what He is telling me to do. I am blind, I am weak, and sometimes I just don't have the answers, and sometimes I have the wrong answers, but I know that. I am blind, but in time God will help me see. He also told me He would reveal truth to me on a need-to-know basis. Isn't that so true of Him? Of course he doesn't want us to know it all at once. He wants us to struggle and wrestle because in that, we are hopefully going to Him more and searching. He wants us to want Him so bad. He will give us truth as we need truth. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit. If we are patient and we keep ourselves focused on that which is above, then we experience joy, the joy that Satan wants to rob us of in our busy lives. Last night I got a glimpse of that joy I've been missing for so long, and I know I got it because I turned my eyes upward.

If only I can do this every day. I ask you out there, if you are my brother or sister, encourage me, hold me accountable to that. I ask you, please do not give me a formula or an answer for everything. Send me back to that joy that peace that can only come in being alone with Jesus and His Word. Help me to stay focused. With that being said, maybe it's okay for me to remain. God is still teaching me. And when it's time to go, as long as I keep seeking, God will show me and reveal to me when that time is.