Where is our Focus?

I've been struggling a lot lately about what it means to be a Christian and even more about whether or not I'm living up to the example of Christ. What does it mean to live out the "Great Commission?" If you notice in Scripture, it's not as obvious as we would like it to be. We do have many examples in Scipture of people who followed, but each person had a different job, a different desire, a different calling. It seems in Scripture that Jesus' disciples went ahead and did great things. They started the church and led many to Christ. Is that everyone's calling? Are we all called to walk the Earth from country to country, state to state, or city to city preaching Christ?
I'm beginning to think otherwise. Sometimes I wonder if I spend too much time trying to figure out what it is I'm supposed to do in life and in the process, missing what's in front of my face. I have a husband and a child. For the most part, I'm a stay-at-home mom. That within itself carries on a large responsibility. I'm responsible for raising my child and teaching him life-lessons, so he can grow to be a responsible adult. On top of that, I'm responsible for being a witness of Christ to Him. God entrusted him to me and my husband. Then there's my husband. I'm responsible for honoring him, respecting him, encouraging him, and being a partner in life.
Actually Genesis 2:18-24 does a great job at summarizing. "Then the LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.' Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, 'This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.' For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.'" The key word is helper. I am called to be my husband's helper, which requires whatever he asks of me. Right now that is supporting our family financially by working part-time. It also means helping him get a business off the ground, taking care of his household, taking care of his child, and much, much more.
It's funny though, it's almost as if I complain that it isn't enough. It's like I'm telling God that what He has called me to do isn't big enough. How am I impacting the world? I don't know, but I wonder if that's pride, feeling like I need to do great things to impress God or do great things because other people did great things. But, couldn't the way my family is run be a witness to this worldly generation? I really believe the things that God requires of a family is not the social norm. It's normal to cheat on your spouse; it's normal to divorce your spouse when things aren't going right; it's normal to get married for the wrong reasons; it's normal for women to work when they have kids, just to get a good career boost. (By the way, I have no problems with women who work, if that is their calling, but I'm saying that many women also work for selfish reasons. I've heard cases where women work just to get away from their kids or they simply just don't want to do the work of raising their kids. I just wanted to clarify.)
But here, I've come to another stumbling block. Okay, so it's right in front of my face, my first priority is my family, that being my husband and child. Here's the question? What does God want from me in this relationship? He wants me to speak to my husband with respect and not yell at him when things aren't going my way. He wants me to be attentive to my child's needs. But there is a whole world full of temptation which draws me away from my calling, and a lot of it is so subtle.
We spent time talking about sin the other night at my bible study. I came to a conclusion when reading a chapter in Velvet Elvis. Rob Bell talks about how when we sin, we tend to beat ourselves up over it and just let the guilt weigh us down. We forget that we are a new creation in Christ. I wondered if when we are constantly focusing on the things we do wrong and determined we are going to get it right all of the time, isn't that selfishness? Woe is me, I did it wrong, I can't go on, I'm determined to get it right even if it kills me. I'm a terrible person. We end up feeling sorry for ourselves. It then becomes about "me." I don't think God intended it to be that way when we are in Christ. God intended for us to recognize our human condition to show us why we need grace. With that being said, we recognize our sin, we repent and ask for forgiveness, we make ammends with those involved in our sin, we learn from our mistake, and we move on. I believe that satan keeps us focused on our sins to keep us from seeing Christ. And when we aren't seeing Christ, we aren't living out our calling in life. Sometimes our sins draw us so far from Christ, that we stop communicating with Him, and then our calling isn't revealed to us or maybe we know our calling, but without communication, we aren't allowing Christ to do the work in us that is meant to be done.
I know many times I fall short when it comes to my husband or my son. I can also remember a time just recently when I broke down because I just can't seem to get it right sometimes. I know right away when I disrespect my husband or when I'm ignoring my kid. The worst part of it is, sometimes I'm too stubborn to give in. But I also know where I'm lacking, and that's focus. If my feet were planted firmly in Christ, if I was truly surrendering, then Christ can change that evil in me. If my focus was on Christ, I wouldn't be so insecure about my decisions because I would clearly know what He is asking me to do.
This goes back to my post on unity. Why isn't my focus on Christ then? Well, I'm too busy arguing the Bible with people. I'm too busy researching so I can know everything there is to know about the Bible (which I know will never happen). I'm too busy building the next defense to someone who doesn't like what I'm doing. I'm too busy trying to please everyone else. I'm too busy getting caught up in my sins and letting them hold me in bondage, rather than experiencing the freedom of God's awesome mercy and grace. I'm too busy doing the things I want to do, rather than doing things to glorify God, I'm glorifying myself. In this society, that's so easy to do. Our society is about pleasing self or gaining acceptance from others. Jesus was rejected by the people of His society. I think I'm just now being opened up to the fact that these are all the subtle temptations by the enemy to keep me from seeing who I am in Christ and living out my purpose in life. Not only that, but I have a hard time believing that I really do have the strength to do it. I have a hard time believing that I can be a good wife and mother.
Here's another thing. Maybe we need to take care of the little things first (or at least what seems like the little things to us. I'm sure those things aren't so little to God). Maybe I need to tend to my family first before God can trust me with something bigger. I know there is a Scripture somewhere that talks about that, but not sure exactly where it is. There is also a thing called burn-out and one person can't save the world. Besides God already sent Christ to do the saving. We, as Christians, are many working toward the same goal, and that's eternal life. So, we all have many jobs to do. We are the body and we must all have our separate functions, yet still work as a team to accomplish God's plans. Some are called as missionaries, some as evangelists, some as husbands and wives, some as mothers and fathers, and the list goes on. Maybe, just maybe my family can show the love of Christ to someone just in who we are and how we function and love each other. In a world of divorce, same-sex marriages, and adultery, that has to speak volumes. And how many women can honestly say they respect their husband, just like the example of Esther in the Bible? I don't see her lashing out at her husband, calling him names, flipping out because her people need to be saved. Trust me, I'm grouping myself in that category. Unfortunately I speak before I think.
And when it truly comes down to it, what might be in front of our face isn't as easy as we think it's going to be, which is why God wants us to perfect that first, and as we mature, we may move on to other things. It's not easy for me to be a strong-willed woman and submit to my husband. It's not easy to admit when I'm wrong. It's not easy to give myself up, not only for my husband, but for my child too. But I know there is only one way to do it. And that's to fully surrender my will to God, to focus on Him, and remain in open communication with Him. He can't do the work in me unless I let him. That's a free will decision. That focus requires determination. It requires a daily dying to self.

Unity

I've been reading a book titled, "Velvet Elvis," by Rob Bell, which has been quite the "hot botton" in many churches. I haven't done full research, but I believe it's because Rob Bell is into the Emergent Church. I'm not here to get into what the movement is, but to discuss differences in the church. Sometimes I wonder if as a Christian, I'm battling other Christians more than I am battling the "world." I feel like no matter where I go or what I do, somebody strongly disagrees. I know I won't be able to get away from that. I also know that people care about me, and I'm thankful to have such a support group in my life of people who care.
My question is, are we supporting people where support is necessary or are we losing focus? It's interesting to me that before I joined the Catholic church, I heard nothing but terrible things about the Catholic church. Many believe the that it's heresy. I'm not even going to deny the fact there are some things going on that aren't looking so good, however can't we say that about just about anything? Can't we say that about the Pentecostal church, the Baptist church, Presbyterian, Methodist, Anglican, Episcopal, Lutheran, Emergent, and the list goes on? It wasn't until I became a part of the Catholic church that I learned that regardless of issues in the doctrine, there are many faithful servants of Christ. Catholic believers have something to offer to this world. Do I believe all that they believe, no, but God is present there, and truth is still spoken.
Rob Bell talks about truth in his book. God is EVERYWHERE. Francis of Assisi was a follower of such truth. He saw God in nature. And why wouldn't this be so? God created the universe and everything in it. The only logical conclusion would be that God is present in all that he creates, right? Let me clarify what I mean here. This is not to say that you can bow down to a tree and worship it as God. It just simply means that you can find the handiwork of God in nature. God is present everywhere, not necessarily in things, but his presence is all around us. Sometimes we can be so captured by nature that it leads us to our creator.
Now, does that mean we can only find truth in the things that are labeled "Christian?" Does that mean that all things labeled "Christian" are true? C.S. Lewis talks about in "Mere Christianity" how we are all born with some type of moral code. Maybe not everyone connects it to God, but everyone has some sort of standard they live by, some concept of right and wrong. There is a facet of truth in everyone. Unfortunately, not everyone draws the right conclusion as to where that truth came from. I was talking to my aunt last week and she was saying how you can sometimes find some sort of truth when watching a rated R movie. Other religions have some facet of truth to it, not enough to earn them salvation, but there's truth. What about the peace, joy, and happiness of the Buddhists?
Anyways, my point. Why are we arguing over what writer is right or wrong or what pastor is right or wrong. Yes, we need to discern what's true and what's false, but that's just it. We take these things and we wrestle with it, we pray, we read Scripture, and have faith that God will show us truth. Rob Bell puts it just right in the summary of his book, "Test it. Probe it. Do that to this book. Don't swallow it uncritically. Think about it. Wrestle with it. Just because I'm a Christian and I'm trying to articulate a Christian worldview doesn't mean I've got it nailed. I'm contributing to the discussion. God has spoken, and the rest is commentary, right?"
Sometimes I think we get too hung up on the little things. I believe there are the foundational truths that we, as Christians, need to stand firm on, but there are a lot of things we don't know. If we knew it all, then God wouldn't be necessary. The Scriptures are so simple, yet so complex. I think we need to remain open to a certain degree and maybe, just maybe, there is another way than the way we knew all our lives. I was reading a book by Jim Cymbala and he talks about how many churches are now majoring on the minors and minoring in the majors. Why is this?
I think when we spend too much time arguing, we lose time doing the ministry God called us to. I'm just as guilty. I'm so concerned about proving my point, rather than just sharing my opinion and letting it go. God called us to live in community and to live in fellowship with one another. We are called to love and to serve. How can we do that when we are always at odds with each other? There's a time to be firm and stand for what we believe. There's also a time for accountability for our actions. There's a time to be taught and a time to teach. There's also a time to show grace and mercy.
I pray that we, as a church, could come together and put the minor differences aside. We are all learning and none of us has it nailed. For many who are skeptical about the emergent church, I want you to know that my church's foundation is the Nicene Creed, which indeed, is Scriptural. To me, that's a good foundation to begin with. From there on out, it's a matter of growing and maturing in our relationship with Christ. My church teaches love, community, fellowship, leadership, and servanthood. Isn't that what it really comes down to?
I enjoy a good debate any day, and I think we should continue coming together and discussing the things we are learning from Scriptures and in our walks. There is a big God out there, doing more than we can ever hope for, imagine, or dream. I'lm learning to enjoy some of the mystery of God. In that, I find comfort and security, knowing that my God is larger than life. I love all of you who agree and disagree. But for you believers, join me in prayer and let us work together toward the goal which God has bestowed upon us. Two are better than one.