In God's Hands

I have an amazing story of God's awesome power and protection! I was in my bedroom getting dressed, getting ready for another day. I was getting ready so I could take my 19 month old son outside, like I do most mornings. Little did I realize my normal daily activity was going to change.

There was a mirror leaning against a wall in our hallway by our bedroom. It is a very, very heavy mirror and we weren't in a hurry to move it thinking our little guy would not be strong enough to pull it down. Normally my son likes to look at himself in the mirror and make faces at himself. Today my little curious one decided to try something different. I heard a banging against the wall and turned and saw him trying to pry the mirror away from the wall. I ran toward him to get him to stop, but I was too late. He had pulled the mirror down and glass shattered all around him. He was under the shattered mirror crying. I wasted no time and began to pull him out. I hugged him and comforted him. As I walked away from the mirror I saw blood drops on the mirror and quickly checked him out to see if he was injured. There was nothing but a few minor scratches on his body.

I couldn't figure out what was going on, until I looked at my arm. I had a rather large gash in my arm, and I will spare you the details. I continued to comfort my son, who was just scared from what happened. I'll tell you what, I thanked God in that moment for placing a protective covering around him. There was glass everywhere on the floor and before I pulled him out, shattered glass all around him, big pieces and little.

Suddenly the gash in my arm was nothing. I dashed up the steps with him. I was looking for one of the women we are living with, who is a nurse. She happened to be off work today and was able to nurse the wound long enough to get me to the ER. All I kept thinking was how happy I was that my son was okay, that he was wrapped in God's protective arms. I was also grateful to have someone here that was nurse. She didn't panic, she just took care of what needed to be taken care of and didn't give me a chance to be scared. I barely even felt any pain through the whole incident.

What I thought would be a 2 or 3 hour visit to the hospital was only about 1/2 hour. I got 7 stitches in my arm. I was able to get back home to my husband, who left work for this, and my son. I just kept hugging him all day, so glad that the Lord took care of my little guy. He is such a trooper. More important than that, God is just so awesome. Through this bad situation, it's like he placed everything so perfectly to minimize any damage or pain.

I can see now that we are here to glorify God. I have never been so thankful like I was that moment this morning. When I think about what could've happened, I just want to cry. But here's the beauty of it, what could've happened didn't happen.

I can't see how anyone out there could even doubt there being God. The nurse at the hospital said we were lucky, but I knew it was not luck. I don't think there's any other explanation as to how that happened so perfectly, for my son to walk out of there with a few tiny cuts and a tiny bump just above his eye and for a mother who moved quickly to get him out, with just one gash, 7 stitches, and hardly any pain.

To God be the glory!

Oh, and there's one other tiny moral to this story. Never underestimate the strength of a toddler. If their mind is set on it, they can do just about anything. Curiosity just gets the better of them. I love my child and his spirit, his curiosity of wanting to understand how things work. But hopefully he will never give me another scare like that again.

I also admire my husband, who picked up all the pieces of broken glass so carefully without injuring himself. He came home from work to take care of us. God is my big hero, who gave me two little heroes!

Scripture Study

Let me just tell you how amazing it is once you really start opening the doors of Scripture. In my last post I spoke of how hungry I've been for Scripture, so I took it upon myself to study. It's only been a few weeks that I've really started digging, and it's required much discipline, however I can't believe how much my eyes have been opened. I guess this is why I've been so adament about good teaching and how crucial it is to have good teaching about Scripture. A friend of mine told me about a passage in Scripture about the Ethiopian Eunuch. Take a look at Acts 8:30-31. "Phillip ran up and heard him reading Isaiah the prophet, and said, 'Do you understand what you are reading?' And he said, 'Well, how could I, unless someone guides me?' And he invited Phillip to come up and sit with him."

But there is also another responsibility that comes with Scripture. How do we know if what we're being taught is correct theology? There's only one way to find out, and that's if you bury your head in Scripture yourself. My husband and I have been learning a bit about hermeneutics, which is basically and inductive form of study of Scripture. We're being taught how to look at Scripture in its proper context. It's really easy to pull out verses and have it fit and match what we might want our lives to look like. I don't think God intended the Bible to be that way. Can we apply Scripture many ways in our lives? Yes. But we also have to look at Scripture as a whole so we aren't developing these man-made theologies that surround around one verse or one chunk of Scripture. If you find one Scripture contradicts another, then you must look again because something is being interpreted wrong. Yes, that might mean doing some research. If you look at Knucklehead's last post, he talks about the word, "confession." The definition isn't what many of us think if you really look at the Greek. Take also for example the word, "love." Love takes on many meanings depending on where you are looking Scripture. So often many of us do not take these things into consideration, but we should be.

Right now I'm doing a Kay Arthur study on the book of Philippians. I'll tell you what, I've had my head buried in Philippians for about two weeks now and haven't even scratched the surface. It's only 4 chapters! So far I've done an overview and through the Inductive method of study, I've been forced to find repetition within the book. What was interesting to me was how Paul keeps reiterating the same things to that church. He mentions in Chapter 3 the importance of his repetition. Look at 3:1. "Finally, my bretheren, rejoice in the Lord. To write the same things again is no trouble to me, and it is a safeguard for you." Then he goes on to tell them to beware of things. He talks about gain and loss for the sake of Christ. This takes on almost the same dynamic as Chapter 1. We have to ask ourselves, "why is he repeating?" In vs 3 of Chapter 3, he talks about putting no confidence in the flesh. He repeats himself through most of his letters about being aware of false doctrines. Why is that? At that time, there must of been a lot of false teaching, which could've been easy to mistake for truth. It was crucial that these churches understood that, and it's crucial we understand that today.

If we aren't firmly rooted in Scripture, then we are going to be "tossed around by every wind of doctrine." I have found over the years many great Christian authors. I have also found many who claim to be Christian authors that are preaching a false gospel. You wouldn't know that on the surface. That's why it's important to read that Bible. Just because CBD or Lifeway sells the book, doesn't mean the author is reputable. Even in the Christian realm, I believe there is a danger to commercialism and it's easy to get greedy. This is why we aren't to cling to the ways of man. We are all sinners, and none of us is perfect. This is why we only have the perfect Holy Spirit and the inerrant Word of God to give us the truth.

In my own life, I have decided to put most books on hold for a while. I'm one of those who buys into the things that "tickle the ears." I can be a sucker for just about anything, but if I would spend more of my time in Scripture, I can't go wrong and maybe someday if I decide to read through those books, I'll be grounded enough to "rightly divide truth." I don't want my ears tickled. I want the honest, hard, loving truth. I never went into this thinking it would be easy. I always hoped it would be easy, but I'd rather rest in the comfort of being uncomfortable sometimes. Nobody said this walk was meant to be comfortable, but there is a comfort in knowing that because at least I know Christ is on my side.

With all that being said, take some time, if you feel so compelled, and just spend some good time soaking in God's Word. If it's that important to you, you will make the time to do it. It's amazing the doors that ending up opening as you learn more and more about Scripture.

Hungry

Well, this has been a long time coming. It has been three months since I last wrote and for many reasons. At first I decided to take some time off from blogging as I've been discerning some things about my own walk. When I was ready to start reading blogs, my thoughts were still rather mixed up, which is why it has taken me this long.

My husband and I are discerning again as to what church we will attend. We made a home at a particular church for a while and have so much enjoyed the relationships and friendships that have come from it. Due to a recent move, distance created a bit of an issue. On a sidenote, I've been questioning and discerning some things about church in general which has caused me to want to seek and find possibly something else.

A friend of ours has been speaking to us about church and about Christ and about Scripture. He has been speaking about the importance of the cross and how crucial our understanding of that is in our salvation. We've also been talking about the importance of Scripture and interpreting Scripture so that we can mature in our walk as believers and so we can effectively witness to the lost. We've also talked about church. Something he said completely clicked with me. "Church is for the believer." Hmmmmmm. It didn't sink in right away. How could someone say that? We want all to be welcome in the church. We don't want to turn people away. Sermons must be taught so that ALL will understand. Little did I realize how damaging that has been in my life. I didn't actually realize this until I went to visit my old church. I heard a sermon teaching on Matthew 13. INCREDIBLE! Let me tell you why. This pastor took a good chunk of Matthew 13 and taught it. He taught the history and the background and made it applicable to today.

I'll try to make this brief, but I want to give an example or two. In verse 31-32. "The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field, Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in its branches." Well, most people today would say that a mustard seed is not the smallest when you compare it to other seeds thereby diminishing God's Word, however we learned this is not the case. When you open an actual mustard seed, there are a bunch of tiny black seeds within the seed, which are the ACTUAL seeds. I never knew that! He also talked about the Parable of the Weeds. There were weeds mixed in with the wheat. The owner didn't want the servants to pull the weeds until the harvest because the wheat might get pulled with them. It's just like us. We, as believers, are the wheat, and we are intermingled with the weeds, the world. We have to be. Yes, this means evil is all around us, however the hope is that our light shines, it is the hope that word catches on about the joy of Christ.

There is a lot of talk today about relevance and reaching the unchurched. I'm all for relevance, but I'm seeing we don't need to change God's Word to make it relevant. We need good leaders who are willing to explain the history, then apply to today. I want to know why it was said in Scripture the way it was. This is what I've been lacking for so long. I'm tired of walking into church waiting for a brilliant teaching of the Word and getting the same basic message told 100 different ways. Sometimes I think this is why I've been dry for so long. I haven't gotten past the mark. I'm tired of hearing how I need Jesus and why I need Jesus, not that that isn't important, but now I HAVE JESUS!!!!! Now what? What did Paul mean in his teachings? What did Jesus mean by the things he taught his disciples? How does the history then link with where I am today?

I was talking to someone this week and both of us talked about how the church is where we get fed, and the rest of the week is for reaching out to the lost. The unsaved are welcome in church, however church is for the called out ones. We are already the body of Christ, and must be acting as the body. 1 Corinthians 12:12-31 talks about the body. We all have different things to contribute. We are all gifted in different ways. But it seems a lot of that is lost. In the churches I've been in over the last three years, I've experienced zero growth in my walk, but my growth has been outside Sunday morning. My question is, was it really meant to be that way? When Paul wrote his letters to the churches, he gave them spiritual food. He didn't mince words. He didn't hold back. He wasn't worried about who he would offend. Yes, he still taught out of love. You could tell he poured his heart and soul into the church, but he still never held back simply because he loved. And isn't that what Jesus did? He had some hard teachings. Teachings that some may not have looked at lovingly, but if we truly know Christ, we know his teachings were out of love.

I want to be taught. I want to learn. I want to grow, I want to understand. It's not to say the pastor knows everything, we also must be trusting the Spirit as we read Scripture, however I only pray that churches today would get back to maturing the believer. Teach the hard truths of Scripture to the believers. How can we disciple others if we aren't being discipled properly? I want to be encouraged to be in the Word. I want a reason to open my Bible every day. The more I'm truly being taught, the hungrier I am for more. "Lord, teach me more!"

I could go on and on, but I'll stop for now. Anyways, that is my next step in this journey, to find a place where I can be taught Scripture so that I can grow. I know this is only one piece of the whole pie as to what the church is about, but I think I know where I stand with community and prayer, etc, but if I want to be an effective disciple, I need a good solid foundation of Scripture as well.

Jesus Raises Lazarus

As many of you know, I've been reading the book of John. I know, I've been in it for, what seems like, forever, but it's some tough reading. Tonight I read about Lazarus in John 11. How convenient considering we just celebrated the Easter season. I've been trying to understand the meaning behind the miracles in John. Now, I'm not finished reading yet, but it's interesting how Jesus takes something in it's physical state and makes a spiritual lesson of it. We see that in the story of the Samaritan woman and the blind man. Now I'm going to talk about my thoughts on Lazarus.

I've asked myself over and over again why Jesus raised Lazarus after being dead for 4 days! I mean, imagine it were today, and 4 days would probably be the night of the viewing or just after someone has been laid in the grave. It's a long time. Jesus used these miracles to teach us who He is. It made me think about the spiritual death we are all physically born into. We live this life of darkness and sin. Then we believe and follow Christ and he raises us from death to life. He has the power to give life to anyone who wants it. His death and resurrection was the ultimate promise of that. We then have this new life and we no longer live in darkness. It's a second life, a better life. Jesus raised Lazarus to show us He is the giver of life.

I just thought of something else interesting. Before Lazarus rose, Jesus went to the tomb. The infamous John 11:35, "Jesus wept." He wept because Lazarus is dead. Do you think Jesus does that for the spiritually dead? Do you think he is sad because of what this world has come to? He loves us so much and wants us to see the light, but many choose not to. In my mind, that would make him weep because of the dead. He wants us to have life. Hmmmm.

So anyways, this led me to a time of prayer. A prayer about what it is to be a new creation and what is expected of me. I've often struggled with who I am in Christ. I mean, I know I'm a new creation, but it's like there's the personality conflict. I was the fun, crazy, funny person when I was out partying and drinking. Now I feel like the boring person. When I first came to know Christ, even before the years of partying, I was funny and outgoing, and I feel like she's gone for some reason. I mean, I know she's out there somewhere, it's just a matter of getting back those lost years.

Okay, so anyways, here's what the Lord revealed to me. I have to stop being selfish and lazy and allowing the daily distractions get in the way. Selfishness doesn't really lead to joy, it just leads to wanting more. Of course it makes sense that I'm not fully satisfied with who I am. I might be focusing too much on that. Unfortunately some of my selfishness is rooted in fear and anxiety. Then I remembered a verse from Philippians 4:6, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Not only did I rememeber that, but then I saw it staring me in the face on my wall on a poster.

Then I was lead to Luke 9:23, that verse, those numbers just photographed in my mind, so I went to it. "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life, will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet lose forfeit his very self." Tell me that wasn't black and white. The words that struck me most was, "take up his cross DAILY. This means every single day, I have to make a commitment to follow Christ and carry the "burden" so to speak. But it shouldn't be a heavy burden because Scripture says Christ's load is light. Every day I must die to myself and lose my life. That means losing my life for my husband, for my child, and whoever else God puts in my path. Yes, I think God truly was speaking to me about being selfless. The Lord has already given me the tools necessary to press through each day. The question is, am I chosing to do it His way?

Blind

Do you ever have those moments where Scripture just jumps out at you or it's so clear, the light bulb flashes in your mind. Most likely it's been a piece of Scripture you have read over and over again and one day it's like, "Hallelujah!" I experienced one of those moments last night.

Some of you out there know I've been struggling through Scripture and where I'm meant to be in my walk with Christ. It's really hard to make decisions sometimes, especially when you the people who love you most have an opinion. Trust me, I value the opinion of those who surround me, but sometimes it can be paralyzing. I guess not matter what you do, there's going to be disagreement. You could have to wise and loving Christians in your life and even their opinions could be different from one another. So, what do you do?

I know for a long time the Lord has been challenging me to draw closer to Him through prayer and reading Scripture. I have to admit I get rather frustrated at times because I don't seem to understand it the way some people. I get discouraged when people seem to have all the answers and I'm just not seeing. It's not that I'm not open, in fact, sometimes I think I'm too open to the point I don't allow myself to stand. It's hard to look at somebody and it seems like they have it!

Last night I was reading John, Chapter 9. At first glance it was an interesting story about Jesus healing a blind man and using it to teach a lesson to the Pharisees. But, I wanted to see beyond that. I have to admit, after really thinking about it and trying to interpret and pray about it, I did grab a commentary. The book of John is some rather hard teaching and quite theological, so you can imagine why. Anyways, it confirmed my thoughts almost perfectly. Let me quote the last few verses of the chapter. "Jesus said, 'For judgement! I have come into this world, so that the blind will see and those who see will become blind.' Some Pharisees who were with him heard him say this and asked, 'What? Are we blind too?' Jesus said, 'If you were blind, you would not be guilty of sin; but now that you claim you can see, your guilt remains.'

The man who is concious of his own blindness and seeks to learn and know more will be opened up to more truth. The "know-it-all" doesn't realize he can't see. It's when we realize our own weakness that we become strong. We can have knowledge, but if we fail to recognize the good like the Pharisees did, we will be condemned, just as they were. The Pharisees missed the good by refusing to recognize Jesus. Their "know-it-all" laws were more important than Christ himself.

I used to think it was bad that I wasn't as mature as some, but I'm realizing it's okay. The Lord spoke to me in prayer last night and told me so much about this journey about where I should be. To give you some background, I'm the type of person who is anxious and likes to act fast. Every decision needs to made. I want to keep moving, keep going. It's always moving on to the next thing. The Lord told me to STOP! I need to stop looking all around me and keep my focus on what's above. I have a family and household to tend to, as I mentioned in my last blog post. I realized in that moment how much I NEED Jesus. I'm struggling because I'm trying to do it myself and I just can't. I had to admit to weakness. I had to admit, "Lord, I don't know it all." This led me to my favorite Scripture when everyone turned away from Him after his hard teaching in John 6. Jesus asked Peter if he was going to leave too, Peter said, "Where else can I go? You have the words of eternal life." Just when I was about to give up, I remembered that. I have no where else to go.

It's so easy to get our attention focused elsewhere and I have to admit, we as Christians really can make it hard on each other. We get so set on controlling the lives of others and don't allow the Holy Spirit to do his work. He works in each of us at His own pace. Don't get me wrong, I believe we do need the wisdom of others, but even when we receive that wisdom, we still keep praying and searching Scripture.

It's like what I said earlier, God told me to STOP! God told me to remain, at least for now, and just stop moving. God needs to complete a work in me and He can't do it if I keep moving. It was such an encouragment to hear that God could lighten my load if I just stay focused on what He is telling me to do. I am blind, I am weak, and sometimes I just don't have the answers, and sometimes I have the wrong answers, but I know that. I am blind, but in time God will help me see. He also told me He would reveal truth to me on a need-to-know basis. Isn't that so true of Him? Of course he doesn't want us to know it all at once. He wants us to struggle and wrestle because in that, we are hopefully going to Him more and searching. He wants us to want Him so bad. He will give us truth as we need truth. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit. If we are patient and we keep ourselves focused on that which is above, then we experience joy, the joy that Satan wants to rob us of in our busy lives. Last night I got a glimpse of that joy I've been missing for so long, and I know I got it because I turned my eyes upward.

If only I can do this every day. I ask you out there, if you are my brother or sister, encourage me, hold me accountable to that. I ask you, please do not give me a formula or an answer for everything. Send me back to that joy that peace that can only come in being alone with Jesus and His Word. Help me to stay focused. With that being said, maybe it's okay for me to remain. God is still teaching me. And when it's time to go, as long as I keep seeking, God will show me and reveal to me when that time is.

Where is our Focus?

I've been struggling a lot lately about what it means to be a Christian and even more about whether or not I'm living up to the example of Christ. What does it mean to live out the "Great Commission?" If you notice in Scripture, it's not as obvious as we would like it to be. We do have many examples in Scipture of people who followed, but each person had a different job, a different desire, a different calling. It seems in Scripture that Jesus' disciples went ahead and did great things. They started the church and led many to Christ. Is that everyone's calling? Are we all called to walk the Earth from country to country, state to state, or city to city preaching Christ?
I'm beginning to think otherwise. Sometimes I wonder if I spend too much time trying to figure out what it is I'm supposed to do in life and in the process, missing what's in front of my face. I have a husband and a child. For the most part, I'm a stay-at-home mom. That within itself carries on a large responsibility. I'm responsible for raising my child and teaching him life-lessons, so he can grow to be a responsible adult. On top of that, I'm responsible for being a witness of Christ to Him. God entrusted him to me and my husband. Then there's my husband. I'm responsible for honoring him, respecting him, encouraging him, and being a partner in life.
Actually Genesis 2:18-24 does a great job at summarizing. "Then the LORD God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.' Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him. So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, 'This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man.' For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.'" The key word is helper. I am called to be my husband's helper, which requires whatever he asks of me. Right now that is supporting our family financially by working part-time. It also means helping him get a business off the ground, taking care of his household, taking care of his child, and much, much more.
It's funny though, it's almost as if I complain that it isn't enough. It's like I'm telling God that what He has called me to do isn't big enough. How am I impacting the world? I don't know, but I wonder if that's pride, feeling like I need to do great things to impress God or do great things because other people did great things. But, couldn't the way my family is run be a witness to this worldly generation? I really believe the things that God requires of a family is not the social norm. It's normal to cheat on your spouse; it's normal to divorce your spouse when things aren't going right; it's normal to get married for the wrong reasons; it's normal for women to work when they have kids, just to get a good career boost. (By the way, I have no problems with women who work, if that is their calling, but I'm saying that many women also work for selfish reasons. I've heard cases where women work just to get away from their kids or they simply just don't want to do the work of raising their kids. I just wanted to clarify.)
But here, I've come to another stumbling block. Okay, so it's right in front of my face, my first priority is my family, that being my husband and child. Here's the question? What does God want from me in this relationship? He wants me to speak to my husband with respect and not yell at him when things aren't going my way. He wants me to be attentive to my child's needs. But there is a whole world full of temptation which draws me away from my calling, and a lot of it is so subtle.
We spent time talking about sin the other night at my bible study. I came to a conclusion when reading a chapter in Velvet Elvis. Rob Bell talks about how when we sin, we tend to beat ourselves up over it and just let the guilt weigh us down. We forget that we are a new creation in Christ. I wondered if when we are constantly focusing on the things we do wrong and determined we are going to get it right all of the time, isn't that selfishness? Woe is me, I did it wrong, I can't go on, I'm determined to get it right even if it kills me. I'm a terrible person. We end up feeling sorry for ourselves. It then becomes about "me." I don't think God intended it to be that way when we are in Christ. God intended for us to recognize our human condition to show us why we need grace. With that being said, we recognize our sin, we repent and ask for forgiveness, we make ammends with those involved in our sin, we learn from our mistake, and we move on. I believe that satan keeps us focused on our sins to keep us from seeing Christ. And when we aren't seeing Christ, we aren't living out our calling in life. Sometimes our sins draw us so far from Christ, that we stop communicating with Him, and then our calling isn't revealed to us or maybe we know our calling, but without communication, we aren't allowing Christ to do the work in us that is meant to be done.
I know many times I fall short when it comes to my husband or my son. I can also remember a time just recently when I broke down because I just can't seem to get it right sometimes. I know right away when I disrespect my husband or when I'm ignoring my kid. The worst part of it is, sometimes I'm too stubborn to give in. But I also know where I'm lacking, and that's focus. If my feet were planted firmly in Christ, if I was truly surrendering, then Christ can change that evil in me. If my focus was on Christ, I wouldn't be so insecure about my decisions because I would clearly know what He is asking me to do.
This goes back to my post on unity. Why isn't my focus on Christ then? Well, I'm too busy arguing the Bible with people. I'm too busy researching so I can know everything there is to know about the Bible (which I know will never happen). I'm too busy building the next defense to someone who doesn't like what I'm doing. I'm too busy trying to please everyone else. I'm too busy getting caught up in my sins and letting them hold me in bondage, rather than experiencing the freedom of God's awesome mercy and grace. I'm too busy doing the things I want to do, rather than doing things to glorify God, I'm glorifying myself. In this society, that's so easy to do. Our society is about pleasing self or gaining acceptance from others. Jesus was rejected by the people of His society. I think I'm just now being opened up to the fact that these are all the subtle temptations by the enemy to keep me from seeing who I am in Christ and living out my purpose in life. Not only that, but I have a hard time believing that I really do have the strength to do it. I have a hard time believing that I can be a good wife and mother.
Here's another thing. Maybe we need to take care of the little things first (or at least what seems like the little things to us. I'm sure those things aren't so little to God). Maybe I need to tend to my family first before God can trust me with something bigger. I know there is a Scripture somewhere that talks about that, but not sure exactly where it is. There is also a thing called burn-out and one person can't save the world. Besides God already sent Christ to do the saving. We, as Christians, are many working toward the same goal, and that's eternal life. So, we all have many jobs to do. We are the body and we must all have our separate functions, yet still work as a team to accomplish God's plans. Some are called as missionaries, some as evangelists, some as husbands and wives, some as mothers and fathers, and the list goes on. Maybe, just maybe my family can show the love of Christ to someone just in who we are and how we function and love each other. In a world of divorce, same-sex marriages, and adultery, that has to speak volumes. And how many women can honestly say they respect their husband, just like the example of Esther in the Bible? I don't see her lashing out at her husband, calling him names, flipping out because her people need to be saved. Trust me, I'm grouping myself in that category. Unfortunately I speak before I think.
And when it truly comes down to it, what might be in front of our face isn't as easy as we think it's going to be, which is why God wants us to perfect that first, and as we mature, we may move on to other things. It's not easy for me to be a strong-willed woman and submit to my husband. It's not easy to admit when I'm wrong. It's not easy to give myself up, not only for my husband, but for my child too. But I know there is only one way to do it. And that's to fully surrender my will to God, to focus on Him, and remain in open communication with Him. He can't do the work in me unless I let him. That's a free will decision. That focus requires determination. It requires a daily dying to self.

Unity

I've been reading a book titled, "Velvet Elvis," by Rob Bell, which has been quite the "hot botton" in many churches. I haven't done full research, but I believe it's because Rob Bell is into the Emergent Church. I'm not here to get into what the movement is, but to discuss differences in the church. Sometimes I wonder if as a Christian, I'm battling other Christians more than I am battling the "world." I feel like no matter where I go or what I do, somebody strongly disagrees. I know I won't be able to get away from that. I also know that people care about me, and I'm thankful to have such a support group in my life of people who care.
My question is, are we supporting people where support is necessary or are we losing focus? It's interesting to me that before I joined the Catholic church, I heard nothing but terrible things about the Catholic church. Many believe the that it's heresy. I'm not even going to deny the fact there are some things going on that aren't looking so good, however can't we say that about just about anything? Can't we say that about the Pentecostal church, the Baptist church, Presbyterian, Methodist, Anglican, Episcopal, Lutheran, Emergent, and the list goes on? It wasn't until I became a part of the Catholic church that I learned that regardless of issues in the doctrine, there are many faithful servants of Christ. Catholic believers have something to offer to this world. Do I believe all that they believe, no, but God is present there, and truth is still spoken.
Rob Bell talks about truth in his book. God is EVERYWHERE. Francis of Assisi was a follower of such truth. He saw God in nature. And why wouldn't this be so? God created the universe and everything in it. The only logical conclusion would be that God is present in all that he creates, right? Let me clarify what I mean here. This is not to say that you can bow down to a tree and worship it as God. It just simply means that you can find the handiwork of God in nature. God is present everywhere, not necessarily in things, but his presence is all around us. Sometimes we can be so captured by nature that it leads us to our creator.
Now, does that mean we can only find truth in the things that are labeled "Christian?" Does that mean that all things labeled "Christian" are true? C.S. Lewis talks about in "Mere Christianity" how we are all born with some type of moral code. Maybe not everyone connects it to God, but everyone has some sort of standard they live by, some concept of right and wrong. There is a facet of truth in everyone. Unfortunately, not everyone draws the right conclusion as to where that truth came from. I was talking to my aunt last week and she was saying how you can sometimes find some sort of truth when watching a rated R movie. Other religions have some facet of truth to it, not enough to earn them salvation, but there's truth. What about the peace, joy, and happiness of the Buddhists?
Anyways, my point. Why are we arguing over what writer is right or wrong or what pastor is right or wrong. Yes, we need to discern what's true and what's false, but that's just it. We take these things and we wrestle with it, we pray, we read Scripture, and have faith that God will show us truth. Rob Bell puts it just right in the summary of his book, "Test it. Probe it. Do that to this book. Don't swallow it uncritically. Think about it. Wrestle with it. Just because I'm a Christian and I'm trying to articulate a Christian worldview doesn't mean I've got it nailed. I'm contributing to the discussion. God has spoken, and the rest is commentary, right?"
Sometimes I think we get too hung up on the little things. I believe there are the foundational truths that we, as Christians, need to stand firm on, but there are a lot of things we don't know. If we knew it all, then God wouldn't be necessary. The Scriptures are so simple, yet so complex. I think we need to remain open to a certain degree and maybe, just maybe, there is another way than the way we knew all our lives. I was reading a book by Jim Cymbala and he talks about how many churches are now majoring on the minors and minoring in the majors. Why is this?
I think when we spend too much time arguing, we lose time doing the ministry God called us to. I'm just as guilty. I'm so concerned about proving my point, rather than just sharing my opinion and letting it go. God called us to live in community and to live in fellowship with one another. We are called to love and to serve. How can we do that when we are always at odds with each other? There's a time to be firm and stand for what we believe. There's also a time for accountability for our actions. There's a time to be taught and a time to teach. There's also a time to show grace and mercy.
I pray that we, as a church, could come together and put the minor differences aside. We are all learning and none of us has it nailed. For many who are skeptical about the emergent church, I want you to know that my church's foundation is the Nicene Creed, which indeed, is Scriptural. To me, that's a good foundation to begin with. From there on out, it's a matter of growing and maturing in our relationship with Christ. My church teaches love, community, fellowship, leadership, and servanthood. Isn't that what it really comes down to?
I enjoy a good debate any day, and I think we should continue coming together and discussing the things we are learning from Scriptures and in our walks. There is a big God out there, doing more than we can ever hope for, imagine, or dream. I'lm learning to enjoy some of the mystery of God. In that, I find comfort and security, knowing that my God is larger than life. I love all of you who agree and disagree. But for you believers, join me in prayer and let us work together toward the goal which God has bestowed upon us. Two are better than one.

Quiet Time

I think quiet time is the one time of the day I look forward to, however when that time arrives, I can't seem to keep quiet. Why do you think that is? There are times during the day when I just can't wait for that time in the evening when the baby goes to bed and I can just pour my heart out to the Lord. Then when it comes, I find myself watching TV or playing computer games. Why can't I sit still? A few months ago I caught sight of an article online where Pope Benedict spoke about prayer. He talks about how we are always busy, rushing to do the next thing. He says he fears we don't even know how to be quiet anymore. Just the other day I was listening to Ravi Zecherias talk about this culture we live in. He mentioned how stay-at-home mom's keep the TV on in the background all day and how joggers need to have earphones on when they are running. He fears that we don't know how to be quiet anymore. Jim Cymbala, pastor of Brooklyn Tabernacle fears that many, many churches today have lost touch with prayer and when there is prayer, there is too much structure and order, not allowing us to freely move with the Holy Spirit. According to Jim Cymbala, prayer is one of the foundations of our faith. It is our avenue to communicate with God, the thing that many of us do less and less. Perhaps I'm only speaking for myself.

How many times have you gone to church and prayed a simple prayer with the congregation and a few seconds/minutes later, the pastor/minister/priest was ready to move on to what's next on the agenda? And how often were you not ready to move on to what was next on the agenda and keep moving in that prayer? Maybe it's never happened to you, but it has happened to me way too much.

For me personally, it is really, really hard for me to sit down before the Lord and just be quiet. There are so many distractions and my mind goes a mile a minute. Thought after thought consumes my mind, and I'm afraid I'm one of those who almost doesn't know how to be quiet. I've used many people as a crutch in my prayer life. It's easy for me to say, well, I forgot, but I'm sure someone else prayed for me.

The thing of it is, I know better. There have been times where I've decided I'm going to give some time to the Lord. I'll tell you what, those times my heart was really into it, I walked away feeling refreshed, like I had the strength to battle the day. I experienced peace and joy because I spent time with my Lord and Savior. Then I fall back into that awful trap of distraction and temptation, and it's weeks before I come back to that place again. And when I do, I realized what I missed over those weeks. Yet, I keep returning to the vicious cycle.

I believe God wants so badly to be in open communication, but how can we when we're just too busy for God and can't even give Him the time of day. Sometimes I think we are tempted by the world to focus on everything but God. We are distracted by television, media, work, computers, children's activities, IPODs, and much, much more. Somehow, without even realizing it, those things become more important. Or we're much too tired to pray, so we distract ourselves with the things that won't make us think.

I sometimes feel lost in the mix. I feel like I can't even think for myself because I haven't given that quiet time to God. I'm terrible at making decisions. I'm not confident in my decisions even once I make them. I always wonder if I'm doing the right thing and it's all because I haven't given that quiet time to God.

How do you fix it? Well, I do know that God knows where I am and He knows exactly what I need. All I need to do is give that quiet time to God and soon hope that the Lord will change that in me. Ravi talked about the distractions in this world. He is married with kids and has wrestled with not having enough time to do it all. He found that in the end his kids suffered because he was just too tired by the end of the day. What he realized is that he needed to decide what was most important in his life and make time for those things. In my mind, quiet time with God should be a priority. It sets the foundation, the standard for the rest of our living. Do you agree?

Why are churches falling apart? One reason is, leaders of the church aren't leading their congregations into deep heart-felt prayer. People are making decisions without seeking God in deep heart-felt prayer. We aren't being taught to pray. In fact, I think in some cases we are being taught everything but.

Those of you who are in my shoes, make a decision. Spend some quiet time with God with me. Share your experiences with me and I will share with you. I'm anxious to see what God has in store. Find those moments in the day and give your heart to God. Turn off your television, computer, cell phones, and anything else that might distract you and be with the one who created you!

The Beginning

You are probably wondering what this whole "journey" thing is about. I wanted to start by blog by telling you how I got here. I was raised in Christianity my whole life. I even accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Savior at a Young Life camp when I was 13. I thought I always had a grip on what it meant to be a follower of Christ. Just as I started making progress in my high school years, I was tempted into years of sin. Thus began a "too serious" relationship, partying, drinking, and smoking. People were noticing this "lifestyle" I chose, mainly my family. My aunt confronted me one evening about my drinking, and smoking, and everything else. Of course my defenses were up, and I denied most of it. Then it got to a point where even my own friends didn't recognize me, which I realized after one New Year's. Who had I become?

Soon after, my father invited me to be a part of this "new" Young Adult Group that was starting at his church. I agreed to give it a shot. I can't say I completely stopped the partying then, nor did I for a few years following, however, it slowed down tremendously. That young adult group was a fresh start back down the road I should have been following all along. I became a part of a wonderful church family, and even got involved with middle school and high school youth. I had a passion for the youth and didn't want to see them go down the same nasty road I went down.

A few years later, an acquaintance of mine that I met through karaoke, decided to become more than just acquaitances. He was a Catholic. SHOCK!!!!! I never thought I would date a Catholic. This Catholic was different. He was more spiritual. Perhaps some of it was hiding, but I knew it was there, and slowly he was open to learning more and more about Christ. The desire was always there. He just needed some guidance. At any rate, he brought me into the Catholic church. I think it raised some concerns from some people, but I took the RCIA class, and I realized that there were many strengths in the Catholic church. In fact, I don't think the Catholic church is any worse than any other institutional church. I don't want to get into all the Catechism stuff, however, the parish I was involved with was very different. Even though they had "rules and guidelines," it was more Holy Spirit driven. They were able to sway from the "law."

My husband (my fiance at the time) and I decided to take the "Life in the Spirit" seminar. At the end of the 6-weeks, they prayed over us. When they prayed over me, one woman envisioned these walking sneakers. She said I was on a journey, and it wasn't about the journey of marriage, which of course was a journey, but this meant something else. Hmmmmm. I couldn't understand what that meant, but okay. I accepted it.

I don't think I realized this "journey" until about 18 months later, when my spiritual foundation was shaken. It was easy to get caught up in the rituals and liturgy and lose sight of why I was really at church on Sunday mornings. Then I went through a period of bitterness against the "institutional church." I kept telling myself they had it all wrong. Was it right for me to think that way? No, but I did. What made matters worse, was that my husband and I were not on the same page, so I just had to keep crying out in prayer. Was something wrong with me? or When were my husband and I going to see eye to eye?

Then his foundation was shaken. A questions weighed heavily on his heart, "why do I believe what I believe? Do I believe because I believe or because that's what I was taught my whole life?" It was this very question which caused us to take a short-term vacation from church all together. We met with my aunt or attended my father's bible study once a week instead.

After some time, we decided to check out a different church. It was a non-denominational church. We liked it. There were some things that didn't seem to fall in place, but we were planning on attending the following week, until my aunt told us about a church she visited. She told us we should really check it out, so we did. It has been some time now, and we haven't stopped going since.

My husband and I agreed, this was church! This is what we've been looking for. No church is perfect and I'm not saying this one is, but it is perfect for us. I've never experienced a sense of community like I did here. People noticed we were new, and they talked to us. Each week, they made themselves known and invited us to become a part of their smaller community, link groups.

We found a wonderful link group with families like us. There were also couples and singles to add some diversity, which I think is important. This church teaches DISCIPLESHIP!!!!!! They teach Christ in simple form. It's not about going through the motions, it's about living!

I can't say I've solved all of my problems, but it's a step in the right direction. I will never have it all figured out, but as I wrestle with thoughts and ideas, I have a family to wrestle through them with me and encourage me and perhaps lead me to truth.

One thing I must mention, the churches I've left behind are still a family to me. Even though we have left the Catholic church doesn't mean we've stopped loving our Catholic believers. It just means God has taken has taken us on our own journey, but in our separate, individual journeys, I hope that people of all denominations can come together on those core foundational beliefs and become the church Christ has called us to be. We should be encouraging one another, even if our journeys and purposes are not the same.

Forgive me if I've left out certain pieces of the story. I just felt they weren't relevant to this particular topic, however down the road, I may decided to fill in the gaps.